Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
