The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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