I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
