I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
