He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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