I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
