I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
