We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
