I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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