I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
MIDGETS
????
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
