you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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