Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
