just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
