theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize