Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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