i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
