I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
