If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
