I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
