I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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