Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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