I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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