well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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