Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
