okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
