So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
