just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
