I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
