onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize