Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
