just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
