That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize