I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
