Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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