How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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