hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
