My hair reeks of homosexuality.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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