She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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