one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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