It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
