So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My liver just had a heart attack.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I didn't notice because vodka
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
