im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize