I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
