How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize