party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
