I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
