my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
