i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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