It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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