I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
