There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
