I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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