What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
