I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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