I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
