we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
