I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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