All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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