i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
