meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
