forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
