We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
