we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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