Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
