He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I deserve this hangover.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
