today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
