I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
