Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You are a genius and a whore.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
