Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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