We're like a lot better than the average bears
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
