"it" just moved
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
