Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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