im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
