Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
