Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
