i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
