I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
