A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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