I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
