the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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