So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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