Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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