I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
