Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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