I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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