Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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