Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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