I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
