I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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