My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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