Who wears a wallet chain?!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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